On December 31st, 2014,
I welcomed 2015 with a kiss from my lover and was certain that it was going to be the best year ever! We had discussed big plans, upcoming trips, we had thought of ways to make our relationship better! Nothing and no one could have stopped us.
But life happened.
Don’t get me wrong, 2015 was good to me. Something I have always waited for finally moved forward and I couldn’t be happier! My lover took me to explore new places, I tried new things. I even saw him skydive 12,000 feet in the sunny state of Florida. I saw the beach for the first time, and I even rode a plane too! I ate at the nicest places, I went to basketball and football games. 2015 was full of events that were meant to make me happy.
And still, something is missing.
Am I selfish? Will I never be content? I feel this huge loss of happiness and I can’t pin point why or where or how that happened. There was a time when I would say “As long as my lover is happy, I am happy” and let me tell you, he is happy. But I’m not.
So what did 2015 teach me? It taught me self love. It taught me that taking care of your own being, your own soul, your own heart IS important. You could have the sweetest lover and still feel alone.
I feel guilty for feeling this way. I’ve fallen out of love and I’d like to jump back in it. He deserves that much. He deserves my effort.
I hope that 2016 is FILLED with lots of love! With tons of laughter! I hope that it’s sweet to me. I hope to find my happy, to find myself.
More than anything, I hope 2016 helps me find my inner peace.