All the things I’m afraid to admit.

I don’t even know where to begin. 

I’ve sure as hell made a mess of things. & here I am.. trying to correct them all. But how does a person go back? How does a person get away with so much? No… I didn’t get away with it,  did I? Because it eats at me every fucking day. And I wait my turn. Because surely it’s gonna come back to me; It’s gonna catch up to me. Or maybe it won’t, and I’ll live like this forever. With my secret digging itself deeper every single day. So I ask, yet again, how do people cope with bad decisions? How do you tell yourself that what you did isn’t who you are? That you are better person. That you’ve learned. How do you know that next time you won’t hurt him? How do you know that next time you won’t hurt yourself? 

A constant battle between remembering and forgetting. Undeserving; I am well aware. I won’t let myself forget.